Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
