dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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