What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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