me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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