We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
