i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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