I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
