i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
