the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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