i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
