No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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