Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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