he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
