She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
