Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
there is glitter all over my balls
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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