I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
