I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
We need to get me chipped asap
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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