so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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