She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize