Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize