Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
