I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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