she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize