Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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