If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
