I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
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