and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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