i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
