The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
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