I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
