They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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