I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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