he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
