Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
