you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
My life is pants optional.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
