i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
