i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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