So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
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You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
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Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
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