He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Last time i carry you out of a forest
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
