It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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