Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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