Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Randomize
