fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
