I'm really into asian looking animals
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
