I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize