Duck Duck Cougar?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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