Redeem this text for a blowjob
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
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