There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
