He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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