Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
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He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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