This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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