Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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