i think my tv is drunk
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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