So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
