oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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