I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i just google imaged poop.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
