break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
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