i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Jerry, you need to find god
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
