I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
We need a shit load of segways right now
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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