found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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